Not much to report on the drive through Missouri, it was peaceful and uneventful. This state was way more beautiful than I remembered (drove through it once on the way to a visiting artist gig in Lawrence, KS, back in 2003). Even though sometimes I pronounce it's name to rhyme with misery, it was anything but. I loved the hills and turns of the road, and the vegetation was so lush at times it was breathtaking. I really wish I could download the images my eyes saw, but I'll carry them on with me for as long as my brain works.
One aspect of driving alone was having great thinking time. I'm using this time to chart out my next six weeks and my next six months, running all different scenarios and outcomes, and then putting those thoughts away and reminding myself to stay open to the unexpected, which happened in a rest area, where I saw two guys holding hands out in the open. It just goes to show (me) that anything can happen, anywhere... of course for all I know they were lynched soon after I got into my car, but I sure hope it did not happen.
The US scares me a little. Actually the world scares me, or hatred scares me, and at times I see it everywhere I go. At times sadness, in the face of hatred, overtakes my fear, but I am not sure that is any better of a feeling to have. I feel very foreign when I am alone, and specially in places I have never been. I've always been this way, and I always try to break through the fear by putting myself in situations where it is tested (hence his trip). I've been very fortunate, blessed, lucky, you name it, as I have put myself in stupid situations and tried to believe that the kindness of others would somehow protect me. So a small part of me fears too that I might run out of luck.
But what I saw on the road yesterday were just people going about their lives. I actually saw so many weird groups of people (like one car with three older people, at least two sleeping, the person in the backseat with an umbrella open), all trying to go somewhere and being on their own, just like me. I also noticed that America is not this vast, unexplored land I sometimes imagine in my head (but of course, I've never driven through Montana or the Dakotas). The longest strips of land with nothing around only came about when I passed Tulsa, in Oklahoma, another beautifully lush countryside. What I noticed was how windy both states were. My little car always swerves on windy days in Michigan, but I thought that having it packed with stuff would make it more stable, but then I realized that the winds down there we just stronger (driving through Joplin and stopping to get more gas, at $3.29, and seeing everything brand new helped me with that realization). I really stopped there more so because I needed to pee, so I filled the half tank just to do something. I actually arrived in Dallas with a half tank full still, which baffles me. This trip is turning out to be very affordable, specially because I have been staying with friends and family.
One surprise in Oklahoma was the speed limit of 75 (making this state more than OK with me), and the good signage about the distances between exits (even though the roads themselves had no mile marks and exits no numbers). I drove down on US 75, which was at times US 69 and Indian trail, and again, it all went smoothly. Had a late lunch somewhere in the Creek Nation area, where this white girl, seeing me walk out of a Burger King, pulled up her car, rolled down her window, and asked me with I wanted some free cologne samples. After watching a marathon of season one of Weeds I immediately thought she either wanted to sell me drugs, sex, or both. Often times I think of myself as the minority flavor of the month club, where I can become whatever groups is most prominently underrepresented or non-white, sometimes with the added quality of being "tall" or "thin" for that said group (probably because I was once told in Austin TX that I looked like a tall Mexican, and because everywhere I have gone abroad I have been told I look like people from a certain area other than where I am). So I figured she thought I was Native American (to paraphrase Jerri Blank, with a knack for gambling and catching STDs), so I just smiled and said no, thanks, and got into my car.
One other random happenstance in OK was the repeated signs posted every few miles saying "do not drive into smoke" which to this day I have no idea why they'd have to put such signs. Maybe someone drove through smoke while getting burned while drinking their hot coffee, and sued? Or maybe (here u can see the influence of Sunday morning cartoons), the natives still use smoke signals for communication, and driving into smoke will interrupt transmission? I immediately thought that I should sign up for smoke signal classes in New Mexico, if they offer them, and give a break to ASL for a bit. or maybe I could create a typewriter that would create little puffs of purified smoke instead of text on a page. I then realized I did not have the skills to create such a machine.
Then I finally hit Texas, and coincidentally shortly thereafter saw a Confederate flag. a few minutes later, on my last hour of driving, I found myself facing a dead end my GPS guided me to, and was glad I still had a tank almost full. Backtracked to the main highway and decided to continue there until I saw the city skyline (and almost killed the machine voice with her robotic "recalculating" repetitions). I arrived at my sister's house in a lovely neighborhood in Dallas (not sure the name, but Turtle Creek), and was glad to see familiar faces. Everyone looks great, my niece has grown so much since last summer, completely bilingual at age 4, my sister beautiful as usual, my brother in law getting in total shape to run a full marathon in the fall. I was half-brained by then, and had enough energy to go out for dinner for yummy tex-mex (a place called Mia's) and was in bed by 9:30 pm, but not before making my niece cry (thus having caused by now the same reaction with all nephews and nieces) because I did not want her to sleep in the futon with me. I think she forgave me when I offered to sleep in her converted crib, she called me silly and laughed.
Woke up around 3:30 am and have not been able to sleep. Took my medication and realized I've been taking the wrong dosage because I forgot to take the weekend measure, which is higher than the weekdays. Hoping I'll sleep longer tomorrow or that a nap manifests itself today somehow. Have no idea what this day will bring, but that is the whole point, no?
- posted via iPad
Location:Dallas, Texas
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